Thursday, May 5, 2011

young & in love

Most of you already know my past...coming from a small town that is expected. This post will be way more detailed than my usual response to the many questions I get about my life. I'm going to talk about sex, love and things that may make you feel uncomfortable but you have been warned now!  I don't expect anyone to fully read these posts..I am doing this for myself and giving everyone the option to know my story. However, if you do read this..enjoy :)

I met Cameron through a mutual friend after a softball tournament.  Cameron and I started chatting on AIM and exchanging phone calls sometime around January or February of 2004.  I was in the 8th grade at VJHS and he was in 9th grade at VHS.  To be honest, I fell hard for him instantly.  I wouldn't call it love at first sight but it was something like that.  After "talking" for 1-2 months he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Obviously I said yes, probably before he could fully get the question out of his mouth..I had literally been waiting for the moment from the first few days of our "talking".  Silly I know... but I was fourteen.

I was in love with Cameron.  I know, I know. 'You were only fourteen, you didn't know what love was at that age'...I've heard it far too many times.  And maybe I didn't..maybe I really didn't know what love was at the time. But I felt something... and at fourteen, I considered that feeling to be love.  I told myself, 'I'm saving my virginity until marriage and I know he will be the one I lose it to'.  That was my mind set at fourteen and when we had the conversation about sex I told him the same thing.  I had never really had the 'sex-talk' with my parents but what I did hear was 'you better not do it', 'don't do it', 'you better not ever do it'.

Needless to say, that went in one ear and out the other. (sorry mom!)  The thought of 'saving myself for marriage' quickly changed to 'if we date for a year I will lose my virginity to him', then 'okay, six months' and eventually...'it has been three months and I love him'.  And it happened, our relationship was taken to a higher level.  I don't use the term higher as in 'better' or 'more important'.  I mean higher as in a more mature level.  It wasn't a level a fourteen and fifteen year old had any business 'visiting'.  But we did and it literally changed our lives..forever.

Teen pregnancy.  The phrase I thought I would never be able to relate to because surely that would 'never happen to me'.  The swollen sore breasts, missed period and lack of energy made me second guess the 'never happen to me' belief.  As if those weren't enough to convince me, the positive pregnancy test linked teen pregnancy and myself hand in hand.  The flood of reality and emotions were more than overwhelming.  Fourteen. Pregnant. That was the reality.  Pregnancy...the result of visiting that 'higher' level of the relationship.  The level that required maturity..the maturity that we lacked.

No turning back now.  I never doubted that Cameron would stay by my side.  I think that says a lot about him and I am ever so thankful he never turned his back on us.  A fifteen year old boy gets his fourteen year old girlfriend pregnant and doesn't run away.  I can't imagine the thoughts that went through Cameron's head as he processed the news.  But I can imagine the fear and uncertainty he felt because I felt them too.

Telling our parents the news was far from easy.  Probably one of the hardest things we have done.  The heaviness of the disappointment was almost unbearable.  However, we were deeply grateful for the love and support that eventually followed.  I hope it is clear that without our parents and families we would not have been able to handle the situation. Just to be honest.

I remember clearly the day that I told one of my best friends the news.  It was almost at hard as telling my parents.  She entered my room as I was sitting on my bed in tears.  I didn't have to say a word..she knew.  We hugged.  We cried.  She was disappointed and I knew that.  So many people hurt me to know that I hurt them.

The next months were slightly more peaceful.  We didn't have time to worry..we had to prepare for another person, another life.  At fourteen I would be responsible for the life of another person.  I wasn't ready but I was prepared.

I gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Natalie Allyse Ainsworth on July 29th, 2005 at 7:32pm.  Natalie weighed in at 6lbs & 7oz and measured 21 inches long. I was fifteen

Maybe I didn't know what love was at the age of fourteen but on this day I learned what love truly is.  At fifteen I was certain of two things.  I was in love with Cameron.  I was even more in love with our daughter.

I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it. --Maya Angelou

*Second part coming soon*


  1. i loved your story, besides the age mine is pretty much the same and i have to say i think your a wonderful mom, now and back then, keep it up brittany!

  2. Brittany, I am impressed with the maturity you have shown. What teens need is someone to be this blunt with them about the consequences of their actions. You and Cameron, along with your families, have been amazing at living out the situation you guys found yourselves in. Natalie is absolutely beautiful. Again, I am impressed with you! ...maybe one day we can actually meet in person...;)